My Kind of Hero...

Often we talk about the efforts a woman does in her life, the relationship she shares with her husband, managing with her children and taking care of her whole family, but rarely we discuss the hardships faced by a man in calming his wife’s mood swings, making out time to play with his kids and meeting the demands of his family members! A man, who we expect to be available at any call and at any point of time, happily takes the reward of a supporting actor in his family’s life, just because the woman of his family grumpily takes away the award of best actress…..all the time!

Some of the luckiest females get that type of husband and how can I not mention here that I stand right on the top of that list!

It’s been a decade now since the time I know him and we have together celebrated the four wonderful years of parenthood also. Throughout these years, he has given me numerous reason to fall in love with him again… and all over again…

Scientifically I don’t know why, but I think women feel more depressed and also express that depression every now and then, so easily as compared to their male counterparts! There are several stages in a women’s life when they feel significantly depressed, like pre-pregnancy depression, pregnancy-depression, post-pregnancy-depression and depression throughout their life, sometimes for several reasons and sometimes for no reasons… Maybe we consider that men do not feel depressed at all, because they do not undergo those biological changes which women go through in their lives and maybe that is the reason we use them as our anti-depressants…sometimes or all the times!

Whenever I feel miserable, I look for him…. find some reason to argue on…maybe something from the long lost past… blame him for not being responsible for something at some point of time… then I cry because his voice turns loud as he tries to defend himself which is obvious…I make him feel as miserable as I was feeling before I started this conversation, and then finally I tell him the actual reason of me feeling depressed at this point of time! He then hugs me and tell some magical words which make the feeling of ‘sadness’ move out and the feeling of ‘being loved’ move in my heart…………. And I feel happy back.

I have become an expert in using this ‘therapy’ on myself for last so many years…but never cared if this therapy is leaving any side effects on my husband’s feelings or not!

My all-time favorite reasons of arguments are – me working more inside the house as compared to him, taking care of children more number of time as he does, managing with his family better than he does…. but during all those arguments, I continually forget to mention that he is the one who is supplying me with the energy, happiness and reasons for being able to do all this!

There were days when I had to live separately from him for couple of years. I blamed him for being very happy without me and his little daughter. I behaved like an obsessed parent those days because was not able to trust on anything and anybody that could do any harm to my child…

The difficult days got over quickly and we shifted to a new country! “In my own country I was not trusting on people, how could I trust on people here in this new place” …that was the fear growing in my mind!

But I was forgetting that she is now with her dad. He started taking her to the places ‘without holding her hands’, made her do slide ‘without trying to catch her at the bottom’, took away her fear of water by ‘letting her go in the swimming pool by herself’ made her eat spices despite of her shedding tears after that! I now realized the importance of ‘dad’ in a child’s life! He might not be the person who bored the child in his belly, but he surely is the person who made every moment safe and special when the child was in my tummy! He might not hold the hand when she is running far, but his eyes are surely fixed on her to notice her every movement…he is the one who made me understand that “some time we need to take some risks in our lives and trust on the destiny rather than getting worried”.

He made me trust on him more than I trust on myself!

He understands when I expect more of his time on weekends…so he does not sleep on weekends, brings gifts back home from office, buy new trendy things for us, takes us on vacations every now and then and the best of all…always lets me eat whatever I want! He loves his family and so has made me and my daughter fall in love with the whole family, he understands what does each family member need to be happy and so has made me understand the needs of his family members…

But I never forget to act as the winner and taking the credit of being so thoughtful, caring and loving for everyone…because I believe that I am the best he is just supporting one!

Have you also felt the same ever?

Want to go somewhere else…because this place is full of selfish and mean people!

Despite of all the love we receive from our surroundings, as a child, it is very difficult to understand why our parents scold us so often, why our elder siblings tease us for silly things and why sometimes even ideal teachers adapt angry tone towards us. That is the time we just feel like doing whatever makes us feel happy, without any fear, without any boundaries and without any hesitation. And if anyone tries to interrupt that feeling, a child tends to think…”Nobody understands me, I want to run away somewhere”…

I used to feel the same when I was a child. As I grew and started my college, I thought I am grown up enough to be felt intimidated by anyone! But soon the ragging session started where all the juniors and freshers were treated like the sub-ordinates of their seniors….

Since I was used-to to the teasing’s of my elder siblings, I survived! Also I knew that complaining about your siblings to the parents is of no use and hence never complained about the seniors to my teachers and wardens; and so, I survived! Slowly I became a bit stronger emotionally, but somehow a thought inculcated in my mind that ‘teasing’ is a general habit of people living in this area…be it your home, your school, college, hostel or even the roads where any stranger can come and tease you like a thing!

I thought this whole area is sick…I must go out somewhere else…

Finally I got a job and luckily was moved to another area…

“Ah! This place should be good”, I thought! And with a happy heart begun my journey from home to office—in the office – and from office to home every day!

Those were the days when I witnessed how sick, dirty and filthy a person can behave when you are stuck in an over-crowded public bus. I also observed how a simple looking person can suddenly transform into a complex, self-centered and political one, when it comes to progress their career through unfair means! I tried to ignore all those unpleasant things, people and atmosphere and continued working there for a few years! Those were the years I understood why seniors rag you in the college…just to make you strong enough to tolerate the outside world and its dirt!

By that time I was married and had a new born baby in my hands. Like all the parents I pledged and decided to give the world’s best things to my child. Husband got a promotion and we moved to another state.

Happy to be shifted in a new area, I thought it must be a different place, with people of good mentality!

Soon I learnt how intolerant the people were in that state. The local people there believed that people from different states have come to make their state over-crowded and polluted!  I witnessed the partiality for locals while applying for jobs and observed the biased nature of people while working in the office with majority of locals. Throughout my stay in that state, I wondered how and why do people behave so differently even if they belong to the same country! I also thanked the people I met in my previous jobs because of whom I had become immuned enough to over-come such strange feelings.

But the feeling of going away really far has not died yet and I asked my husband to take me to a different country altogether!

Here we were in a different world, differently looking people, speaking different language, wearing different clothes and even eating different cuisines. This country had a different smell!

I was flattered with the warm smile I received from people here in this country. I thought people in this place are more welcoming to others, unlike the people of the place where I have come from.

But as my stay continued, all such good thoughts began to wash off slowly. It began with me getting duped by a maid agency here in this new country and then many similar incidences of duping in one way or other lined up in series; just to reveal the real rudeness behind the smiles of those pretty looking faces.

I finally understood that this is not the place I wanted to run away for and these are not the people with whom I can even argue in my own way!

I finally understood that similar type of people live in every area. Wherever we go, they might trouble us, tease us, disdain us and even insult us. We need to ignore those things at that moment so as to survive; thereafter we need to apply those experiences to persevere even better in the worst condition, which we might face later in our lives! Different stages of our lives give us different messages and teach us how to deal better next time! With this thought, I have now decided to not to feel like running away, rather stay there, fight the situation, get new lessons, enjoy and move on to the next destination to apply your newly learned experiences into the newly found situations J…

They indeed are observing us!!!!

We often complaint that our children don’t listen to us…. But we should never forget that they are always watching us!

The way we talk to people in family, the way we greet friends, the way we speak to strangers, even the way we behave with animals….they notice all, absorb that and adapt it!

Based on the experiences watching my daughter to grow, I would here jot down a few things a child notices very strongly and adapts in his own life very quickly---

After the age of one year…

The first year after the birth of child is so engaging for the parents that they don’t even realize what the child has learnt from family!

By the time the child is weaned off, he had already absorbed a lot of characteristics of his parents! He has observed the relationship of his mother and father and has by now understood how important the trio is for each other…He has understood how to love and how to demand for more love from family members…he has observed that his parents don’t talk to everybody on the road or everybody in the market, so he has adapted talking to selected people technique….he has observed which set of people usually come to home and how his parents talk comfortably to them and similar way he makes himself comfortable in that company. At the same time, he has also observed that sometimes when un-invited strangers come to home, his parents lack that warmth in their conversations and so he also tends to act shyly or prefers not to approach them.

By this time these little kids have also understood which member of the family has got the softest heart towards them and in front of whom they can put up their demands J

Till the time they attain the age of two…

They catch up your language…they catch the style and the way you eat food…they understand how to do make up on their pretty faces and nonetheless, how to choose items from a fashion store!

Mine one developed a habit of first checking the price tag of a cloth and then attaching it on her shoulders to check how it looks on her J

By this age, they start putting hand on their mouths while sneezing or coughing…just like you do always…

One disadvantage of us being so dependent on gadgets is that by this age our kids understand how to swipe their tiny fingers over the smart phones, tabs and ipads…. My daughter initially was puzzled why the swiping of her finger does not work on the monitor of my laptop!

If they have observed you praying to God, don’t get surprised when next time you find them putting their cute petitions in from of Him. Once I found my daughter requesting God to cure her fever fast….She also talks to God often whenever she falls down while playing and gets hurt!

If any of the parent has interest in cars….these age kids can surprisingly tell you the names of different brands of car moving on the road J

During their third year they understand that just like them there are some other living beings also in this nature who need constant supply of food and water and they have understood this just because you had never failed to pour water in the plants and give bread to the street dogs. If you have pets at home, they surely will understand that animals have their own language of love and their love is unconditional!

By this age, they learn to hold the pencils and colors in their tiny fingers and follow your style for doing drawings and paintings….They pretend to drive the car like you…they want to wash their clothes…they want to sweep the house….fixing up the bed…putting up the pillow cases…and everything and anything that have observed you doing! Not only this, they also want to have things similar to yours…My little daughter even wanted her hair style to be like mine J

They want to surprise you by cooking some yummy food in their very own kitchen set, because they think that now they have understood the procedures and patterns of cooking!

They have noticed that last time when your hand got burnt by a hot object, you had applied ice…so this time if you will burn your hand, they will be standing with ice in their hands already! They are growing bigger and more sensible now…

They become more caring for you when they attain the age of four…

They will understand your facial expressions and will definitely ask “Why are you so serious”? If they have observed you buying only required items from the shops, next time they might say “I don’t need this, I already have one like this”… They will even understand that you are tired and might help you grab a taxi by shouting loud….TAXI…

Dare not to hit a wall while moving fast around the house when you are doing your usual chores, you might get scolded by your younger self asking why you were not being careful…and after that if you will pretend to cry at all, they will give you the world’s best hug to patch up everything!

One day when a few guests came at my home I observed my daughter. She was sitting with shoes on and was busy with her color book…talking minimally in between...but as soon as the guests left……she used the toes of one foot to remove the shoe from the ankle of her other foot and flew it in the air, the other shoe also flew similarly in other direction, next I don’t know how the colors fell down from her table to the floor…and I heard a sigh “Ahhh….” Since I laughed instantly, I guess I missed what she could have said next! She has had observed her parents doing this earlier, I recalled!

These are just the highlights which I could jot down in this small write-up, but I am sure if I will make a day to day note of her activities which she has absorbed from her parents, I will become a rich librarian J

Not only these younger years, sometimes I think as a grown-up also whatever decision we make in our lives is somehow inspired by our parents. If we have seen our parents struggled and came out successfully from some problem, then in future we surely be able to fight the tough situations with courage.

As a parents hence this is our responsibility to shower more love and respect to all the living beings, act more carefully and sensibly for our surroundings, behave tactfully in all the ups and downs of life, so that our children will automatically absorb such good habits!

A hunt for the best educator!

And it was yet another regular evening when my three and half year old daughter was playing in the neighborhood park and I was just observing her…

“Don’t catch me mumma…don’t hold me…Aadya is a strong girl and I will take care of myself!”

These are the usual words she utters when she notices that I am getting worried to see her jumping from the unusual heights, sliding fast with a zupp… sound and falling down on ground after being brutally pushed by elder children…

And there she is making a sand castle, unaware of the fact that something fishy is being cooked in the mind of a boy standing just behind her. I chose not to warn her and just observe what the boy is up to and how my little princess is going to tackle that…

Suddenly the boy, double the height of hers and may be double the age of hers too, snatched the spoon she was using to make sand castle and poured a spoonful of sand on her…By the time I reached the spot (may be a few seconds), she was already shredding the sand off herself and before I could say anything I heard her saying – “What you did!” 

But she didn’t cry…She turned to me and sobbed a little…”Mumma see, he has spoiled my hair and clothes! He is also spoiling my sand castle!” I said don’t worry, it has happened just to make you more strong! There are so many people in this world and not all will behave the same way we expect out of them…some may leave good while some will leave bad impressions on our heart and slowly we will learn how to tackle any situation!

I also gave a stern stare to that boy who probably felt ashamed but was not ready to accept his mistake. I thought he will move away and make himself busy somewhere else, but he didn’t…rather he took the spoon and started pulling out more and more sand from the ground…

I thought it’s better for me to divert my daughter’s mind into something else and hence took her over a slide…she always enjoys that! And the idea worked! Soon she started enjoying this new game and forgot the mess on her hair and dress…She ran fast, climbed the stairs quickly waited for her turn and then zupp…she is down…she can do this whole night I think sometimes…J

Not to her much joy, a group of children came who looked like cousins and were speaking a different language, started climbing the slide from front (not from the stairs)….This interrupted the children from sliding down and a few children including my daughter felt disheartened…Then to my surprise my girl said…”Excuse me! Can we go turn by turn?”… Readily the other group of children accepted her request and they started playing all-together one by one…With the giggles and laughter sound all around in the park, every parent seemed to be feeling like happy and refreshed!

Father of one of the child, who was probably observing me and my daughter for quite a long time then came to me and asked…”Which school does she goes to?” I said Capitol public school…

He said…Oh that’s not a big name…I have heard they do not teach very well…Then how come your daughter has such good communication skills? I just smiled, did not reply anything because I didn’t feel like correcting his thought about any school…he was a stranger and I generally do not speak much to them…

Not receiving any answer from my side made him put more stress on his mind…and he came out with self-satisfactory answer....”All thanks to your husband, that your daughter is so good at communication”.

Before I could understand what he meant, what type of mentality he carries or how to give him back in the best possible way, he had already left!

I stood there still with many thoughts flashing in my mind – why do people give credits only to husbands…Why do people believe that only expensive and so-called branded schools can provide good education…and whom do people think actually provide the best education to kids?

While I was taking my daughter back to home from park, I believe the loudest thought in my mind was – it’s the parents, the family and the environment in the house of a child that provides him/her the best education in their initial years and nonetheless throughout the life!

Please feel free to comment if you agree or disagree J

How do they express their feelings?

 It was a pleasant Monday morning when I reached Bangalore Central Railway Station well on time to catch the Intercity Express. Soon after the train started, I found myself sitting amid people speaking only Malayalam. With my very slim ability to speak and understand this language, and with a lot of struggle, finally I succeeded to tell them that am going to Kerala to bring back my baby. As much surprise, everybody seemed equally excited for me to reach the Palghat station where I would meet my baby along with her grandparents!

It was a total eight hours journey where every passing moment was bringing me closer to my child. With such swarming emotions, and uncontrollable happiness, I was just wondering how she would react upon meeting me after a long duration of ten days…and ten nights! I was dreaming, she jumping over me with a loud squeal of delight…or she crying desperately for missing my warmth…or she would expect me to bring some toy!!!

Thoughts of her were so intense that I didn’t even realize that within half an hour my journey will come to an end. Very hurriedly then, I purchased few colorful toys from the vendors within the train. In another few minutes, I started collecting my luggage at one place, and pulled my neck up for the sharpest possible angle to observe the station coming nearer… None of the names of any station has filled me with such enthralling experience ever before, as the name PALGHAT did!

Then came the moment...the much awaited one!

I don’t know whether it happens to every mother or not…but by the time I got down from train, my eyes were fixed only at one being, out of the thousands on that station and I ran much faster just to clutch her tight in my arms…Getting her glimpse after so many days was no less than a blessing and that made me realize once again that my daughter is the world’s most beautiful child!!!  To hold my excitement and control my emotions, I did not utter a word but simply raised my arms towards her…

Arrival of her mother, all of a sudden, was like a surprise for her too. She was dumbfounded! She didn’t take another bite of chocolate, eating already; neither showed any sign of excitement nor for cry; didn’t jump over in my arms and didn’t even ask for any toy…..only voice I could hear was coming straight from her eyes…

Yes, she was angry with me!

It’s not that she wasn’t happy there; it’s just a fact that she missed her mother!

Someone had told me earlier,” you can express your feelings but you can never express your child’s feelings”. And now I have understood the meaning of those words completely.

Now it was my turn to payback…she stopped coming to me willingly, didn’t call me for her vital needs, and forget holding me while sleeping....and this went on for complete one day one night…

Next morning, when she opened her eyes, tears rolled down from my eyes, I took her up in my arms, kissed her a million times and while saying sorry, promised that I will never let her stay away from me in future…

Again she started calling her mother for everything, again she started hiding behind curtains and asking me to look for, again she started dancing on my rhymes, and again she gave me all the pleasures of world!

She thus taught me a lesson which I would never forget. She thus made me realize the depth of a mother-child relationship once again!!!

A daughter is a day brightener and a heart warmer!

While on a vacation to Kerala at my in-laws, I thought to leave my baby there for a few days so as to make her more independent. Being very reluctant and bemused about my plan, every night I tried to make her sleep away from me…with her grandmother. I never knew she has grown clever enough to understand that her mother is nearby and can come running at her smallest cry. So that’s what her strategy became every night.  This made me more frightened for how she would adjust after I leave.

Though everybody assured that she would remain contented and delighted here too, the heart of a MOTHER was still beating abnormally fast!

Finally the day came, and with oodles of kisses and a lot of hugs, I left my baby there with a determination to take her back as early as possible!

Sitting whole the way long without her being in my lap and without listening to her chirpy sounds in the car, the journey for the first time was boring even in the presence of other family members…I wonder how does the life of a mother revolves only around her children each and every time! Very true it’s said that “a daughter may outgrow your lap but she will never outgrow your heart.”

Then we reached home, here at Bangalore, where the weather is always at its best usually. But that day, neither the cold breeze, nor the romantic drizzling was able to set my mood…

Soon after entering inside the home, I realized how empty it is without her moving around. It was never like that until her birth! I felt like I was out of feelings till the time a little angel came to my life and started calling me mumma!

Now there is silence all through the places, toys all at their spaces, no clothes hanging down the cupboards and no utensils laying over the floors…no danger of putting hot vessels nearby, no worries of decorating delicate tiles…no fear for the future of some important document left by…and no more rules to apply….

The days seem much longer now…the nights have turned shorter…

BUT I still don’t feel normal….everything appears wrong….I do not want this much clean house, I do not want so much arranged shelves…It has become my habit to keep delicate and hot items all away from your reach…I don’t care if you tear away all the important files…I just hate this tranquility in my house….I only want you to come and overturn everything once again and for the eternity.

I am surprised how empty I was and I am without you my angel….will come soon to take you with me…to fill my living with life...

You will never know how proud I am of all the things you do.

You came into my world, so tiny and so small...

And I was in awe at the wonder of it all.

Then you placed your little hand in mine...

There was no denying, my heart was yours 'til the end of time.

How does your baby get to know that you are MOTHER

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new.  ~Rajneesh

How does your baby get to know that you are MOTHER?

Simply by the bond you two share!!!

But when and how this bond was created?

Bonding is a process, not something that takes place within seconds, but is a byproduct of every moment’s caring and sharing. Right from the time of conception, each passing day fills you with love joy and satisfaction. Knowing and understanding the week by week development of your baby inside the womb is such a delightful feeling that cannot be expressed in words! 

Carrying a baby all through those typical nine months cautiously starts the process of BONDING between you and your child much before it actually comes and much before you realize. Right from the choice of food you are eating, the music you are listening, the work you are doing, the pattern you are sleeping in, or may be the perfume you are wearing, your baby is observing each and everything and trying to find its own pleasure in all that you do. That means the baby is recognizing its mother and getting familiar with her habits.

They even respond to the smell and touch of their mothers, as well as the responsiveness of the parents to their needs. Soon after the birth, the first skin to skin touch of a baby and mother ties both of them into a divine relationship. While being held in the warm couch of her mother’s arms, the baby ensures her safest and happiest place to be in.  This is why a cranky baby becomes a smiley baby soon after coming back to her mother, no matter how much love any relative may shower.

Another one is the eye-to-eye contact between you and your baby which does provide a meaningful communication. Babies can follow moving objects with their eyes and thus can very well understand the language of love mothers speak just by looking into the eyes of their little darlings. That way they also learn to imitate your facial expressions and try to speak or even sing along with you.

Then comes the day when your baby gets up from bed suddenly and starts walking. Now she wants to play with everything and everybody around her. Once fallen, she might cry, but definitely knows whom to search for a comfort and adoration because now she knows who her mother is.