They indeed are observing us!!!!

We often complaint that our children don’t listen to us…. But we should never forget that they are always watching us!

The way we talk to people in family, the way we greet friends, the way we speak to strangers, even the way we behave with animals….they notice all, absorb that and adapt it!

Based on the experiences watching my daughter to grow, I would here jot down a few things a child notices very strongly and adapts in his own life very quickly---

After the age of one year…

The first year after the birth of child is so engaging for the parents that they don’t even realize what the child has learnt from family!

By the time the child is weaned off, he had already absorbed a lot of characteristics of his parents! He has observed the relationship of his mother and father and has by now understood how important the trio is for each other…He has understood how to love and how to demand for more love from family members…he has observed that his parents don’t talk to everybody on the road or everybody in the market, so he has adapted talking to selected people technique….he has observed which set of people usually come to home and how his parents talk comfortably to them and similar way he makes himself comfortable in that company. At the same time, he has also observed that sometimes when un-invited strangers come to home, his parents lack that warmth in their conversations and so he also tends to act shyly or prefers not to approach them.

By this time these little kids have also understood which member of the family has got the softest heart towards them and in front of whom they can put up their demands J

Till the time they attain the age of two…

They catch up your language…they catch the style and the way you eat food…they understand how to do make up on their pretty faces and nonetheless, how to choose items from a fashion store!

Mine one developed a habit of first checking the price tag of a cloth and then attaching it on her shoulders to check how it looks on her J

By this age, they start putting hand on their mouths while sneezing or coughing…just like you do always…

One disadvantage of us being so dependent on gadgets is that by this age our kids understand how to swipe their tiny fingers over the smart phones, tabs and ipads…. My daughter initially was puzzled why the swiping of her finger does not work on the monitor of my laptop!

If they have observed you praying to God, don’t get surprised when next time you find them putting their cute petitions in from of Him. Once I found my daughter requesting God to cure her fever fast….She also talks to God often whenever she falls down while playing and gets hurt!

If any of the parent has interest in cars….these age kids can surprisingly tell you the names of different brands of car moving on the road J

During their third year they understand that just like them there are some other living beings also in this nature who need constant supply of food and water and they have understood this just because you had never failed to pour water in the plants and give bread to the street dogs. If you have pets at home, they surely will understand that animals have their own language of love and their love is unconditional!

By this age, they learn to hold the pencils and colors in their tiny fingers and follow your style for doing drawings and paintings….They pretend to drive the car like you…they want to wash their clothes…they want to sweep the house….fixing up the bed…putting up the pillow cases…and everything and anything that have observed you doing! Not only this, they also want to have things similar to yours…My little daughter even wanted her hair style to be like mine J

They want to surprise you by cooking some yummy food in their very own kitchen set, because they think that now they have understood the procedures and patterns of cooking!

They have noticed that last time when your hand got burnt by a hot object, you had applied ice…so this time if you will burn your hand, they will be standing with ice in their hands already! They are growing bigger and more sensible now…

They become more caring for you when they attain the age of four…

They will understand your facial expressions and will definitely ask “Why are you so serious”? If they have observed you buying only required items from the shops, next time they might say “I don’t need this, I already have one like this”… They will even understand that you are tired and might help you grab a taxi by shouting loud….TAXI…

Dare not to hit a wall while moving fast around the house when you are doing your usual chores, you might get scolded by your younger self asking why you were not being careful…and after that if you will pretend to cry at all, they will give you the world’s best hug to patch up everything!

One day when a few guests came at my home I observed my daughter. She was sitting with shoes on and was busy with her color book…talking minimally in between...but as soon as the guests left……she used the toes of one foot to remove the shoe from the ankle of her other foot and flew it in the air, the other shoe also flew similarly in other direction, next I don’t know how the colors fell down from her table to the floor…and I heard a sigh “Ahhh….” Since I laughed instantly, I guess I missed what she could have said next! She has had observed her parents doing this earlier, I recalled!

These are just the highlights which I could jot down in this small write-up, but I am sure if I will make a day to day note of her activities which she has absorbed from her parents, I will become a rich librarian J

Not only these younger years, sometimes I think as a grown-up also whatever decision we make in our lives is somehow inspired by our parents. If we have seen our parents struggled and came out successfully from some problem, then in future we surely be able to fight the tough situations with courage.

As a parents hence this is our responsibility to shower more love and respect to all the living beings, act more carefully and sensibly for our surroundings, behave tactfully in all the ups and downs of life, so that our children will automatically absorb such good habits!

A hunt for the best educator!

And it was yet another regular evening when my three and half year old daughter was playing in the neighborhood park and I was just observing her…

“Don’t catch me mumma…don’t hold me…Aadya is a strong girl and I will take care of myself!”

These are the usual words she utters when she notices that I am getting worried to see her jumping from the unusual heights, sliding fast with a zupp… sound and falling down on ground after being brutally pushed by elder children…

And there she is making a sand castle, unaware of the fact that something fishy is being cooked in the mind of a boy standing just behind her. I chose not to warn her and just observe what the boy is up to and how my little princess is going to tackle that…

Suddenly the boy, double the height of hers and may be double the age of hers too, snatched the spoon she was using to make sand castle and poured a spoonful of sand on her…By the time I reached the spot (may be a few seconds), she was already shredding the sand off herself and before I could say anything I heard her saying – “What you did!” 

But she didn’t cry…She turned to me and sobbed a little…”Mumma see, he has spoiled my hair and clothes! He is also spoiling my sand castle!” I said don’t worry, it has happened just to make you more strong! There are so many people in this world and not all will behave the same way we expect out of them…some may leave good while some will leave bad impressions on our heart and slowly we will learn how to tackle any situation!

I also gave a stern stare to that boy who probably felt ashamed but was not ready to accept his mistake. I thought he will move away and make himself busy somewhere else, but he didn’t…rather he took the spoon and started pulling out more and more sand from the ground…

I thought it’s better for me to divert my daughter’s mind into something else and hence took her over a slide…she always enjoys that! And the idea worked! Soon she started enjoying this new game and forgot the mess on her hair and dress…She ran fast, climbed the stairs quickly waited for her turn and then zupp…she is down…she can do this whole night I think sometimes…J

Not to her much joy, a group of children came who looked like cousins and were speaking a different language, started climbing the slide from front (not from the stairs)….This interrupted the children from sliding down and a few children including my daughter felt disheartened…Then to my surprise my girl said…”Excuse me! Can we go turn by turn?”… Readily the other group of children accepted her request and they started playing all-together one by one…With the giggles and laughter sound all around in the park, every parent seemed to be feeling like happy and refreshed!

Father of one of the child, who was probably observing me and my daughter for quite a long time then came to me and asked…”Which school does she goes to?” I said Capitol public school…

He said…Oh that’s not a big name…I have heard they do not teach very well…Then how come your daughter has such good communication skills? I just smiled, did not reply anything because I didn’t feel like correcting his thought about any school…he was a stranger and I generally do not speak much to them…

Not receiving any answer from my side made him put more stress on his mind…and he came out with self-satisfactory answer....”All thanks to your husband, that your daughter is so good at communication”.

Before I could understand what he meant, what type of mentality he carries or how to give him back in the best possible way, he had already left!

I stood there still with many thoughts flashing in my mind – why do people give credits only to husbands…Why do people believe that only expensive and so-called branded schools can provide good education…and whom do people think actually provide the best education to kids?

While I was taking my daughter back to home from park, I believe the loudest thought in my mind was – it’s the parents, the family and the environment in the house of a child that provides him/her the best education in their initial years and nonetheless throughout the life!

Please feel free to comment if you agree or disagree J

How do they express their feelings?

 It was a pleasant Monday morning when I reached Bangalore Central Railway Station well on time to catch the Intercity Express. Soon after the train started, I found myself sitting amid people speaking only Malayalam. With my very slim ability to speak and understand this language, and with a lot of struggle, finally I succeeded to tell them that am going to Kerala to bring back my baby. As much surprise, everybody seemed equally excited for me to reach the Palghat station where I would meet my baby along with her grandparents!

It was a total eight hours journey where every passing moment was bringing me closer to my child. With such swarming emotions, and uncontrollable happiness, I was just wondering how she would react upon meeting me after a long duration of ten days…and ten nights! I was dreaming, she jumping over me with a loud squeal of delight…or she crying desperately for missing my warmth…or she would expect me to bring some toy!!!

Thoughts of her were so intense that I didn’t even realize that within half an hour my journey will come to an end. Very hurriedly then, I purchased few colorful toys from the vendors within the train. In another few minutes, I started collecting my luggage at one place, and pulled my neck up for the sharpest possible angle to observe the station coming nearer… None of the names of any station has filled me with such enthralling experience ever before, as the name PALGHAT did!

Then came the moment...the much awaited one!

I don’t know whether it happens to every mother or not…but by the time I got down from train, my eyes were fixed only at one being, out of the thousands on that station and I ran much faster just to clutch her tight in my arms…Getting her glimpse after so many days was no less than a blessing and that made me realize once again that my daughter is the world’s most beautiful child!!!  To hold my excitement and control my emotions, I did not utter a word but simply raised my arms towards her…

Arrival of her mother, all of a sudden, was like a surprise for her too. She was dumbfounded! She didn’t take another bite of chocolate, eating already; neither showed any sign of excitement nor for cry; didn’t jump over in my arms and didn’t even ask for any toy…..only voice I could hear was coming straight from her eyes…

Yes, she was angry with me!

It’s not that she wasn’t happy there; it’s just a fact that she missed her mother!

Someone had told me earlier,” you can express your feelings but you can never express your child’s feelings”. And now I have understood the meaning of those words completely.

Now it was my turn to payback…she stopped coming to me willingly, didn’t call me for her vital needs, and forget holding me while sleeping....and this went on for complete one day one night…

Next morning, when she opened her eyes, tears rolled down from my eyes, I took her up in my arms, kissed her a million times and while saying sorry, promised that I will never let her stay away from me in future…

Again she started calling her mother for everything, again she started hiding behind curtains and asking me to look for, again she started dancing on my rhymes, and again she gave me all the pleasures of world!

She thus taught me a lesson which I would never forget. She thus made me realize the depth of a mother-child relationship once again!!!

A daughter is a day brightener and a heart warmer!

While on a vacation to Kerala at my in-laws, I thought to leave my baby there for a few days so as to make her more independent. Being very reluctant and bemused about my plan, every night I tried to make her sleep away from me…with her grandmother. I never knew she has grown clever enough to understand that her mother is nearby and can come running at her smallest cry. So that’s what her strategy became every night.  This made me more frightened for how she would adjust after I leave.

Though everybody assured that she would remain contented and delighted here too, the heart of a MOTHER was still beating abnormally fast!

Finally the day came, and with oodles of kisses and a lot of hugs, I left my baby there with a determination to take her back as early as possible!

Sitting whole the way long without her being in my lap and without listening to her chirpy sounds in the car, the journey for the first time was boring even in the presence of other family members…I wonder how does the life of a mother revolves only around her children each and every time! Very true it’s said that “a daughter may outgrow your lap but she will never outgrow your heart.”

Then we reached home, here at Bangalore, where the weather is always at its best usually. But that day, neither the cold breeze, nor the romantic drizzling was able to set my mood…

Soon after entering inside the home, I realized how empty it is without her moving around. It was never like that until her birth! I felt like I was out of feelings till the time a little angel came to my life and started calling me mumma!

Now there is silence all through the places, toys all at their spaces, no clothes hanging down the cupboards and no utensils laying over the floors…no danger of putting hot vessels nearby, no worries of decorating delicate tiles…no fear for the future of some important document left by…and no more rules to apply….

The days seem much longer now…the nights have turned shorter…

BUT I still don’t feel normal….everything appears wrong….I do not want this much clean house, I do not want so much arranged shelves…It has become my habit to keep delicate and hot items all away from your reach…I don’t care if you tear away all the important files…I just hate this tranquility in my house….I only want you to come and overturn everything once again and for the eternity.

I am surprised how empty I was and I am without you my angel….will come soon to take you with me…to fill my living with life...

You will never know how proud I am of all the things you do.

You came into my world, so tiny and so small...

And I was in awe at the wonder of it all.

Then you placed your little hand in mine...

There was no denying, my heart was yours 'til the end of time.

How does your baby get to know that you are MOTHER

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new.  ~Rajneesh

How does your baby get to know that you are MOTHER?

Simply by the bond you two share!!!

But when and how this bond was created?

Bonding is a process, not something that takes place within seconds, but is a byproduct of every moment’s caring and sharing. Right from the time of conception, each passing day fills you with love joy and satisfaction. Knowing and understanding the week by week development of your baby inside the womb is such a delightful feeling that cannot be expressed in words! 

Carrying a baby all through those typical nine months cautiously starts the process of BONDING between you and your child much before it actually comes and much before you realize. Right from the choice of food you are eating, the music you are listening, the work you are doing, the pattern you are sleeping in, or may be the perfume you are wearing, your baby is observing each and everything and trying to find its own pleasure in all that you do. That means the baby is recognizing its mother and getting familiar with her habits.

They even respond to the smell and touch of their mothers, as well as the responsiveness of the parents to their needs. Soon after the birth, the first skin to skin touch of a baby and mother ties both of them into a divine relationship. While being held in the warm couch of her mother’s arms, the baby ensures her safest and happiest place to be in.  This is why a cranky baby becomes a smiley baby soon after coming back to her mother, no matter how much love any relative may shower.

Another one is the eye-to-eye contact between you and your baby which does provide a meaningful communication. Babies can follow moving objects with their eyes and thus can very well understand the language of love mothers speak just by looking into the eyes of their little darlings. That way they also learn to imitate your facial expressions and try to speak or even sing along with you.

Then comes the day when your baby gets up from bed suddenly and starts walking. Now she wants to play with everything and everybody around her. Once fallen, she might cry, but definitely knows whom to search for a comfort and adoration because now she knows who her mother is.